Recently I worked as a production assistant on a confidential commercial production in a secret location. Coincidentally, I’d visited the area before and I was stunned at how different my experience was this time around. As I whipped through the terrain in a huge Suburban, quickly buzzing back and forth from base camp to each moving set with equipment, people and/or supplies, I was overwhelmed by how different I felt. The change in feeling wasn’t as simple as the reasoning for being there- work vs. pleasure. The new sensation came from something a little more abstract - a deeper feeling of connection to nature. Something that I completely missed on my first trip.
I grew up mostly in nature. If I was not running around the rural areas of Manchester, Jamaica then I was camping all over Florida. Feeling connected to nature was simply part of my DNA. Or that’s what I thought. In fact, on the original trip to this area, I remember telling my partner that I could see the beauty around me but, for some reason, I couldn’t feel it. I didn’t feel like the daughter of the earth I knew myself to be. I wanted desperately to feel that connection to nature, that oneness with God. But my mind was so relentlessly foggy that I was left feeling that God had left me, or maybe I somehow had forgotten God.
Throughout my journey my connection to my source - my inner being, my purpose, my creative force, my God - has always been the most important thing to me. Leaving a religion and seeking my own understanding of a higher power has taught me the importance of connecting with my inner truth. It also taught me to communicate, accept and observe what it is I call God on a consistent and purposeful basis. The more I strayed from my purpose, the harder it became to hear my inner truth. The more I made fearful decisions, the quieter my Navigator became. The harder I resisted change, the more foggy my vision became. Living in fear and worry made me disconnect from myself.
After a while, I became so scared that I would never be able to connect to God again. I had to make a change. Take a chance, get away. So that’s simply what I did. I quit my job and left the city for a while. (I will probably reference this break from adulthood a lot in the next few months because as time passes I realize more and more what it has taught me.) Quite honestly, it wasn’t until I went on this recent freelance work trip, drove through the mountains, and communed with nature that I realized that I’d fully reconnected with my source. Even though I was driving as fast as I could to get the job done, I could feel the beauty everywhere I looked . The job could not make me loose focus on what this trip actually meant for me. At every turn I would look up and think, “My God how great thou art.” At every turn I could feel me.
It felt so good to be home.
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