2015 Lessons

Photos by Nile Saulter

1. It’s ok to want a relationship. For a long time wanting to be an independent woman made me think of the urge to be in a relationship as a sign of weakness. The want to have someone around at the end of the day was some sort of notifier that I was still not doing something right. In some ways I got very comfortable being the third or fifth wheel. I think my friends even accepted it. I was the single, adventurous, risk-taking friend that was too busy chasing dreams to think about dating. I’ve even had a couple of friends worry about me because my attitude towards relationships and love led them to believe that I was going to end up a spinster or I would push love away.  But look at me now!
2. My gut is always right. It just is.
3. Don’t wait for other people to validate you or your dreams. You might wait forever. 
4. Be gentle with people. The beauty of being in a supportive uplifting relationship is the balance it offers. I see things in him that are needed to balance my character. He has taught me to be gentler with people, more patient, just plain kind. Sometimes I feel the frustration welling up inside me and I settle and think, “What would he do?” I am grateful for that.
5.  ...and yourself. I am also blessed with two important soul sisters in my life that remind that I need to be gentle with myself. They remind me of all the wonderful things I’ve done in my past and that my present situation is not a reflection of who I am.  
6. I am who I’ve always been and always will be: A CREATIVE. While staying at mom’s for the holidays I had the “pleasure” of going through all my stored goods. The best part of going through 5 tubs of memories was reminding myself of who I really am, a creative. I was born a creative. Buried in these containers were sketches, notes, essays and magazine clippings. Many of my old dreams and business plans are still the same. This is my core. Trying to navigate adulthood can easily make you feel lost, like you have to discover yourself. But the older I get, the more I realize that I don’t have to discover myself - I need to REDISCOVER myself. I need to remind myself of the things that brought me joy as a child because those are things that will light the path to my future. 
7. Thoughts are things but sometimes they don’t matter and sometimes they are the only things that matter. Doesn’t sound like it makes any sense but it does. There are times when I have insane thoughts of self doubt, dread, anxiety, conjured demise. These are the thoughts that do not matter. These are the thoughts that are keeping me in bed and keeping me steps away from living my dreams. The daydreams, the affirmations, the thought process that confronts the damning thoughts are the ones that create my next move. I’m becoming very good at confronting myself. 
8. I have no idea what’s next. Scary but true.