The truth is most of the time I didn't want to take any pictures at all. I didn’t care to write blog posts or captions and inspiration for videos....oh please, what does that even mean? After the first initial posts and all the excitement of travel leveled off, I found myself in a space where I only wanted to get comfortable with this new stage of life. Get settled so to speak. Find my own pace.
Scrolling through the feeds of other travelers, sometimes I caught myself resenting their images. Thinking why are you lying to people? Yes, traveling is amazing and the places are stunning but why are you just duplicating the popular photo types to get likes? The super saturated pics, the pics from behind as you look out onto some spectacular site, the flat lay, the outfit shot laughing with mouth open and head thrown back. Does it sound like I’m hating ‘cause I'm not; I post a lot of these kinds of pics too. One of the best ways to grow your brand is to study the brands that are in the game and learn from their wins and losses.
But as I scrolled, I couldn’t connect. I didn’t want to post and tag for the sake of posting. I wanted a more holistic approach to the story. My story. Yes, I have moments where I post something ‘cause it’s a bomb ass living my best life shot but I’ve also been to some incredible places over the past few months and you would never know. It was just for me. That was my moment. I felt because I was learning so much about myself sharing anything would be premature. Even more, I didn’t even have words yet.
As small as my following is, I get a good amount of messages of encouragement, of awe for what I am doing. Many people say they are living life through me, others just love my patois videos and want more. When I read these things I am so honored to be that light for someone else. A little part of me also feels like, damn I should be sharing more. Inspiring more. And when I match that with what I know my real potential to be, I feel completely deflated. Am I not doing enough? You know what happens after, the anxious spiral of brain death happens: I am wasting my life! I should have more, I should be this and I should be that.
Thank God for supportive friends because these are the times when they remind me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and the words will come in time. Then I take some deep breaths, do some yoga and shake the panic off.
Recently, I read an interview by Vulture with Erykah Badu and when she was asked if she was inspired to put out new music, she answered:
If I’m not inspired to write, I don’t. Whether it’s me as a singer or a dancer or a writer or a painter or a filmmaker or on Instagram or a mixtape, everything I do is coming out of a real need. I think Joni Mitchell is the one who said that singing, laughing, and crying come up out of the same need: to get stuff out. I just haven’t had anything to say. I can’t really force it. If I did, what I’d be saying wouldn’t be coming from an honest place. Or maybe I’ve said all the things I feel like saying.After reading this, I was like she gets it! Granted I have not amassed anywhere close to the success and cultural clout that Ms. Badu has but when I read that statement I felt it in my bones. As creators, we are told you must create and create often. Everyday. We are told that there has to be a dance between discipline and divine inspiration. I am sure there is a lot of truth in that. But what about the moments when you are just gathering. Taking deep gulps of life and processing. Does it make me less of a creator if I don’t create? If I’m not ready to create? I don’t think so.
This year I’ve decided to not make any promises when it comes to content creation. I will not post a public schedule for my blog or YouTube. I will simply post when I have something to say. I am fully leaning into the flow.
No expectations, no limitations.
Post a Comment